02.09.05 - 1:27 p.m.

last night before we went to bed i asked if tim set the alarm for me. i'd been waiting a week to work up the courage to say the rest:
um...did you change the station?
yeah, it wasn't coming in very well anymore.
oh.

i layed down and pretended to get settled. i was on my back looking up at the ceiling, the lanterns that hang above my bed and the clock's red numbers were shining in my peripheral vision.

do you think you could try to find it again?
i don't think it comes in anymore. do you just not like the english station?
i just got used to the french.

tim fiddled with the radio for a minute in what seemed a very half-hearted attempt to find the french-canadian news station i've been waking up to for almost two years. he found a local NPR station and settled on that.

we just don't get it anymore. the radio's just like that.

i wanted to say the radio is NOT just like that; i can't wake up one more time to that horrible unfamiliar voice instead of the chimes ringing 7:30 and fuzzy french, sleepily trying to discern what she's saying about the UK or petrol prices. that we have talked about this and just as i need the alarm set to odd numbers, i need continuity in the station, the voices, even with shoddy reception. instead of saying that, i closed my eyes and in the morning, woke myself up before the alarm.