03.03.07 - 12:41 a.m.

i thought i saw you. turning off railroad, there you were with some girl i didn't recognize. i'd just hugged ben good bye, jabbed crystal with my glasses and said i hadn't yet gotten used to wearing them. ben said well you'd better because they're cute as shit. you know how he flirts when he's drunk. crystal said goodnight, gorgeous and sent me off down the hill with a slap on the rear. i had forgotten what everyone was doing back and together so when i turned the corner into the parkade, taking a shortcut, when i saw you walking toward me with a pretty brunette on your arm, i lowered my head in the mutually agreed-upon wordless acknowledgement we adopted several years ago. sometimes you'd wave and i'd wave back. once you mumbled my name as we passed in a crosswalk and i turned, walked backward as you did the same; that was as close as we ever came to friendship.
but you got closer, my glasses were working and i saw that it was not you but some other boy with a messy blonde mane. i passed the pay booth, passed the pseudo you and sat on the curb and cried for you, phillip, just for a minute, then got up and hood pulled tight walked the two blocks back to my car.

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i used to believe







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