02.08.05 - 11:13 a.m.

noah text messages me about his heavy boots and in the morning when i am feeding the cats, when mamushka is doing her unicorn routine and bleating like a goat i see the blue flashing light and for once i'm not even hoping it's you because i'm twenty four, almost twenty five and i've dated about a thousand boys none of whom have really taught me anything about myself and have instead given me things to hate, lists upon lists, and while i'm in love i still have a choice so i tell noah my boots are heavy too. they're all four heavy with marriage -- one impending, one existing, and on august tenth which happens to be next wednesday he will join the legions who kind of give up, the club i joined three years ago (!) and i'll text message my congratulations because we've never met though his sister is as dear to me as if she were my own.