05.05.06 - 1:49 a.m.

and just like that, there's ryan stiles. you're driving home past the upfront theater and he's standing on the sidewalk, 1:30am, gesturing wildly to someone on the other end of his mobile phone. you slow down almost to a stop and ease by, tiptoeing with your mother-in-law's borrowed car and thinking to yourself is this it? this is what i've been waiting for? the rest of the way up chestnut hill you'll remember the time when johnny mee was working at the movie theater on sunset and ryan stiles came with his kids to see something animated. "Ryan Stiles is here seeing something animated," johnny said breathlessly into the phone and after you hung up you wondered if he had sprinted to call you, how he knew you were interested in the first place and where he got your phone number in such a pinch. ryan stiles has ruined your friend colin's meal at the state street depot with his cigars and uncontrollable swearing; ryan stiles obviously has no regard for the law. so why have you rushed to movie theaters only to find them too dark or full to see any celebrities? why have you peeked over the brocade curtains of state street depot to see if ryan stiles is smoking and swearing? you really should have known that one day you'd see him on the curb in a long sleeved polo shirt tucked into jeans, long legs pacing the width of his own theater in the middle of the night. you should've known he'd be a regular guy waiting for a ride or something.