12.09.05 - 1:47 p.m.

my next invention is going to be a telephone that allows one to reach through the receiver, even a finger's length, to brush the cheek of the person with whom you are talking. this will be especially useful for:

1. lonely loves-of-lives
2. sad mothers unable to reach garage rafters
3. dear old friends who leave messages saying are you avoiding me? in a tone that belies the very question, that says i know you aren't avoiding me but call me back already (!) because i can tell even from santa barbara that you are probably being ridiculous.

in the last case, the aforementioned finger would be used to administer a loving eyepoke.