18.10.05 - 12:50 a.m.

you know i didn't call you. i know i didn't call you. he knows i didn't call you.
do you ever want to grant someone a time-out -- a tiny break from life to get it together?

(but what is it, anyway, besides an abstraction? sanity? when people use that phrase, are they insinuating momentary insanity, like a grace, like i know you're not REALLY this crazy, so i'm averting my eyes while you get re-situated. like turning your head when your lover dresses. you've already seen it all, so why not share the awkwardness of hastily put-on underwear, a shirt pulled quickly over head and breasts? i don't want to share this intimacy with you; i consider you a liability to my gender. i am, however, extending the offer of lovers and doctors and witnesses to fights:)

i will turn my head and wait for you to get it together.

tonight, two words i rarely, if ever, use in this capacity
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