20.11.05 - 4:13 p.m.

learning to feel things differently, how they should feel. i am crying more and working things out with my fingers � crocheting as a forgiven break. something productive while i think. wake up, work, the motions of eating or preparing to eat, but halfhearted. just waiting. i answer the phone when i feel i�ve been caught and all it will take is a few moments of cheerful discourse, a promise to call later, to go out for a drink. buying and biding time all at once. sometimes, wishing for a bus ride that might furnish an ignorant, temporary friend. one who would ask the right questions.