16.02.06 - 8:53 a.m.

everything feels like abandonment, like i haven't felt since i was fourteen. mad at myself for expecting things again, for allowing it to slip into the everyday. all this is manifesting as physical illness. i am relatively healthy for someone who eats once a day and always forgets her vitamins. i am anemic but rarely sick. now a bladder infection; a cold; a bump on my arm that says go to the health department for a chest x-ray; take antibiotics for nine months so your lungs don't start to deteriorate. over the phone i wanted to ask can't you just send me out west where the air is dry? but i am already out west and they don't do that anymore anyway.