22.05.06 - 2:00 a.m.

when i say we're friends, right?
i don't mean we are only that, only as if being friends isn't enough. i fall into that trap, that labeling mechanism repeated. i've talked about it before. i'm using friend to encompass a lot. my grandfather was my friend. the one who gave the best presents as consolation for his death. he called me to talk, just to me. i stood in a new apartment and took my first phonecall from my grandpa who would die two weeks later of a heart attack no-one saw coming. he said to me now, you know those records will be yours someday, right? you're their best friend next to yours truly. those records are my friends.
the boy who slept in bed next to me but wouldn't kiss me was my friend. this is my friend, he would tell people and i would mentally wrinkle my nose. he loved me and i knew it so when he developed that small assurance, we're friends, right?, (my decision not his; my affirmation) i adopted it and kept it in my pocket. i use it as he did, and usually with him in mind: to explain an otherwise inexplicable situation with something that is true.



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