12.11.05 - 7:28 p.m.

the streetlights turned on, one by one, in front of me yesterday, on your birthday and deathday, the day i allow myself unabashed superstition, the day i open the door to the supernatural. i wasn't home to climb your tree (the tree i fell out of and broke my arm while birdwatching with neil), so i gave you lots of chances. i'd like to think of those lamps ahead of me like stagelights introducing rockettes as your biggest effort ever on that: the eleventh anniversary of the worst day of my life.