19.09.05 - 3:31 p.m.

REASONS WHY MY TWENTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE WORST BIRTHDAY OF ALL TIME:

1. i spent the better part of the afternoon in a real estate agent's office in mt. vernon.
2. i lost my sunglasses.
3. my mother passive-aggressively operated the car's windows on the drive home.
4. i had to ask the question, "are we eating something today?"
5. my cake was white and made by someone who should know for a fact that i think white cake tastes like damp, spongy cardboard.
6. my mother said of my new skirt, "at least it doesn't make you look fatter!"
7. after drinking seven(?) drinks (none of which i ordered -- the contents of two of which i know for certain), i wrested from my former room-mate's grip the knapsack of an exboyfriend, insisting that i needed to prove to him that we are still friends via the safe return of his personal possessions.
8. i ended the evening with my husband passed out in the bathroom of a residential hotel and my party dress around my waist.